From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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