I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize