today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
