GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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