Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
