he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
