and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
