Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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