If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
