I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
