Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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