We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
