just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
