Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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