He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
