I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
