I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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