No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
