Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
