just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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