using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize