No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
