so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
