Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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