Having a random hookup so left but love u
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
