So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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