That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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