She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
