You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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