You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
