watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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