She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
