Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
