I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize