Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
