He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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