Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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