U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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