Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
