More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
