may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
