I feel great
I just peed on a car
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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