I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
