im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
