Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
MIDGETS
????
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
