Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
