Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
