the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
