I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
