He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize