He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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