Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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