i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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