Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
