I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
