Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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