do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
