I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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