You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
