Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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