Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
