he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
