Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
